


The Prankster and the Writer

by godlessAdversary



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dream Bubbles, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Pirates, Poppop Crocker - Freeform, Pre Scratch Vriska
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-24
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-06 00:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1838470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godlessAdversary/pseuds/godlessAdversary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is about how John Crocker met Pre Scratch Vriska in the dream bubbles, and how they try to live the adventures they can't live in the real world. Their relationship represents a shared destiny that can be a constant in Paradox Space, or just a coincidence. Also, they talk about the Batterwitch and Lord English.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**The Prankster and the Writer**

**Chapter 1**

This is a story of nerdy human boy that met in his dreams a mysterious cerulean blooded troll girl. No, this isn’t that story. This story takes place between one universe that was destined to be scratched and another that already was. This story maybe is proof of a shared destiny that is a constant in Paradox Space, or it could just be a coincidence that nobody foresaw, except an omniscient and excellent host. This story will be narrated from the point of view of the human boy.

 

Your name is John Crocker, and today happens to be your 16th birthday. It normally would be a day of celebration, but you don’t have would be called a normal life. Your grandfather died when you were very young to remember, so you and your sister Jade where raised by your grandmother, the famous Betty Crocker. Many think that she is a lovely woman with a backing company, but she isn’t even a lovely grandmother. You and your sister have spent a lot of your lives enduring the harsh treatment of the baroness. Well, your sister escaped a long time ago, so you are alone. The only thing that makes you happy these days are the jokes, pranks and magical tricks that the old colonel inherited wrote in his famous book of magical frivolity and practical japery, and your dreams. Your dreams are the only place where your grandmother can’t control your life. In fact you are tired of an entire morning of doing baking labors that you are going to take a nap for a few minutes before practicing some card magic.

“Hello.”

“Hello, miss.”

“May I ask you your name?”

“My name is John Crocker, and yours?

“I am Vriska Serket. I don’t want to sound rude, but… why you don’t have horns?”

“I was the one to ask you why you have horns, but considering that I have seen my grandma with horns that would be something normal, I think?”

“What is a grandma? Is it like a lusus?”

“I don’t know what a lusus is, even if my grandma mentions that word a lot, but a grandma is someone that takes care of you.”

“That sounds like a lusus.”

“Anyway, what are you exactly? A demon? My sister says that our grandma is a demon.”

“I don’t know how a demon looks like, but I have heard stories about angels, which are a type of demon that Paradox Space uses for cleaning all the mess. I have heard stories about an evil angel of double death that can kill ghosts.”

“Kill ghosts? That sounds horrible… wait, you haven’t answered my question.”

“Right, sometimes I can get sidetracked. I am troll from Beforus, and I suppose you are an alien.”

“An alien?”

“An outsider, someone from a foreign land.”

“No, I am citizen of the United States of America. Also, I am white, so I can’t be an outsider.”

“You really look white.”

“Why are you in my dreams? I am normally alone here with my memories.”

“I could ask you the same. I was dreaming that I was in a adventure in a pirate ship searching for some legendary weapon to kill the evil angel of double death, when my ship ended her in this farm.”

“This is my grandpa’s farm. He is the legendary prankster, the Colonel Sassacre.”

“I wish I have a legendary ancestor. It would be cool to have a legendary pirate as an ancestor.”

“Look, there is Harley.”

The white dog starts licking you.

“I wish you were real Harley, and not just a product of my imagination.”

“Why isn’t he real?”

“My grandma killed him. That’s why my sister Jade run away.”

“That is sad!”

“Yes, but he lives in my dreams now. Here grandma can’t forbid me to be myself. I can practice my pranks and my magic tricks.”

“You can do magic? Show me!”

“Okay.”

You make a coin disappear in front of her, and then make it appear from her ear. Then, you make a flower bouquet appear from your sleeve.

“Here are some flowers for a beautiful lady.”

“I don’t know this alien tradition of giving plants for courting someone, but they look really pretty. Thank you, John.”

“I think I am going to wake up soon.”

“Next time, we can have a pirate adventure.”

“That sounds good. See you later, Vriska.”

“See you later, John.”


	2. The Great Pirate Adventure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Vriska travel across the sea of a dream bubble and meet a crew of social justice jerks, and someone that John didn't expect to meet.

**Chapter 2: The Great Pirate Adventure**

It has been a hard day, even if it is your birthday. It was only you and your grandma, and a lot of cakes. Many kids would be happy to have a lot of cakes in their birthdays, but when you are the only one that can eat them it becomes something boring. You are growing sick of cakes, and you miss Jade. Hopefully, the day will end and you will dream again about that horned girl named Vriska.

“Can I return to my room, grandma?”

“You have barely eaten your slice of chocolate cake, John.”

“It is just that I have eaten to much vanilla, carrot and coffee cake today.”

“You can retire to your room after cleaning your dishes.”

After doing your duties, you return to your room and rest in your bed.

 

 

“John?”

“Hi, Vriska!”

“Are you ready for having some adventures?”

“I really am.”

You follow Vriska to a blue pirate ship, and both sail through the dream bubbles. The ship enters a dream with a great sea and images of maps in the sky.

“What is this place?”

“I don’t know, but I think this is a dream of someone else. The person that is dreaming this must be somebody cool.”

“Look, there is another ship coming closer.”

The ship has the same design as the one where you and Vriska are, but it has a lot horned guys with red sweaters.

“Hello, are you pirates?” Vriska asked.

“Greetings, and no, we aren’t pirates. Even if our self proclaimed leader stated that we are her pirate crew, we are just some sailors in a mission to distract the Angel of Double Death, which we consider is a dangerous task.”

“Why would you do something like that?” John asked the guy with a red sweater.

“Because she convinced us that this is important for the continuation of Paradox Space, and because I guess she is using mind control. Not that I am judging her for being a cerulean blood. I hope I am not triggering your friend.”

“I am not being “triggered”, but why is she using her powers for this? Cerulean bloods are supposed to use their mind powers for the greater good.”

“I think she has a different concept of greater good. Trigger warning: she was raised in a different version of our planet.”

“Wait, you have mind control powers?” John asked Vriska.

“Yes. I am from a social class that has to use their powers for serving the lowbloods of the empire.”

“I think you must mark those triggering words. Some people here in the dream bubbles may consider your description of beforean society as offensive. I can give you a lecture about respecting others. Trigger warning: different points of view, culture bashing, social system dynamics…”

“I think you are being an hypocrite, sir. You talk a lot about tolerance, but you offend my friend anyway.”

“I am not offending your friend, young human, and I can give you a lecture to prove you wrong.”

“I think we must go to another place, John.”

“I agree, Vriska.”

You and Vriska move on while all the guys in red sweaters start ranting in an incomprehensible way. After some miles, the ship reaches a land with hills decorated with teapots and sugar cubes.

“This looks like a fairy tale land. Like the ones my sister and read. Have you a favorite fairy tale book? Mine is Peter Pan.”

“Peter Pan? Don’t you mean Pupa Pan? Anyway, I don’t like fairies to much, but I have imagined myself wearing a fairy outfit. I would look cute with a white dress and a pair of beautiful blue wings.”

“That sounds cute.”

“And sexy.”

Vriska winks and John blushes. Then, something catches John’s eyes.

“Jade?”

Jade was having a tea party with a cat looking girl and a fish looking girl.

“John! Thanks Billious Slick you are here. Nepeta, Feferi and I are having a party. Also, they aren’t our Nepeta and Feferi, they are doomed versions of them.”

“Who are Nepeta and Feferi?”

“John, is this your sister?”

“Oh, I see you brought Vriska, or a doomed version of her?”

“What do you mean doomed version, Jade? And why you have dog ears?”

“I would ask you the same about your clothes. You look like my grandpa in one of his pictures when he was young.”

“The Colonel doesn’t have any picture.”

“Wait… John, are you…”

 

John wakes up from his dream and sees her grandma pocking him with her double trident.

“Wake up, lazy boy. We have work to do.”

Your birthday is over, and that means that you have to endure another day of forced work. The only thing that will keep you going is seeing Jade and Vriska again.


	3. Writer's Blockage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John helps Vriska with the ending of a story, and learns about the way dream bubbles work. Also, a mysterious character appears.

**Chapter 3: Writer’s Blockage**

Your grandma is out, and you know it when the mysterious red ship ascends at night. However, you aren’t alone. Since Jade escaped, the baroness has taken measures to avoid you from doing the same. You hear steps outside.

“Please, go away!”

Every time your grandma is out, gray armored people wander around the farm and stalk you. It’s really difficult to sleep with the noises they make. You decide to ignore them and try to sleep.

 

“Hello, John.”

“Hello, Vriska. I was wondering how can you enter my dreams at the right moment, but I couldn’t enter to the dreams of other people before meeting you?

“I learned to enter to the dreams of other people after meeting a maroon blood named Aradia. She said that we can enter the dreams of people that share a common memory as us. Once both participants are in the same dream bubble, they can travel to the dream bubbles of other people they share memories too.”

“That is really confusing. I barely understand what you said.”

“I haven’t even told you that the time flow in the bubbles doesn’t work the way it normally does. Anyway, do you want to visit my hive?”

“Do you live in a hive? Like a bee’s hive?”

“Don’t be silly, John. It’s like a castle.”

You and Vriska appear in the aforementioned castle, and guided you to a big library.

“You live here alone?”

“Of course not. I live with my lusus.”

You suddenly see a giant spider roaming around the library and freak out.

“Vriska, watch out!”

You take Vriska’s hand and run to a book shelf to hide.

“Is it still there?”

“John, that is my lusus. She won’t harm us, unless we were smaller insects. The empire orders that every spidermom caring for a troll must be fed by the imperial drones with synthetic meat. Without that special feeding, they would become a danger to society, and the trolls under their caring would have difficulties feeding them. That has happened in the primitive past, but the beloved Empress Feferi Peixes has forbidden all barbarian practices for the sake of the greater good.”

“Ok… I still don’t feel comfortable with a giant insect looking at us.”

“It is an arachnid, not an insect.”

“What is the difference?”

“Arachnids have eight legs as a distinctive characteristic.”

“You really are a smart lady, especially since you have read all these books.”

“Only half of them. The other half were written by me.”

“You have written hundreds of books! Troll girls are really weird.”

“Do human girls read or write?”

“Most of the girls I know just read fairy tales and write private journals. Literature and intellectualism are taboo topics for girls.”

“Sorry for sounding like the red sweater guys, but it is expected from a young species to be underdeveloped in gender equality.”

“No problem. Can you show me one of your works?”

“Sure.”

Vriska guides you to a table with a big book with a cerulean cover and a scorpio sign. You read it aloud.

_“The 8lue 8oy appears in a castle where the winged dog demon is. The demon isn’t happy to see, the 8oy, and he wants to splash his 8lood in the floor of the castle. They 8oth know that a strife is close, so they prepare their weapons for an epic clash in the clouds. The 8lue 8oy 8locks every attack of the demon with his colorful hammer, 8ut the demon catches him with his dark tentacles. One could say that the 8oy’s journey was destined to end with the sword of the demon, 8ut not even the 8oy could have predicted that his own 8ody has the power to 8ecome 8reath. The demon was surprised when the 8oy reappeared and attacked him with his hammer. Then, a funny hat was summoned in the head of the demon. The demon was angry with the 8oy, but his anger turned to shame when a vengeful angel appeared next to the 8oy. The two winged creatures flied away to continue their fight between the forces of good and evil._

_After the fight, the 8lue 8oy saw an orange girl siting in the castle. She disappeared mysteriously. Then, he went to a desert were horses galloped around…”_

“I haven’t finished it yet.”

“This story is really good. Where do you got the idea of the Blue Boy?”

“I saw his fight in one of my dreams, but I couldn't see what happened after that. This dreams change in an unpredictable manner. Even if you can control the memories, you can’t control the bubbles completely.”

“Then what are you going to do to finish the story?”

“I usually improvise the ending, but I have a writer’s block. I don’t know the Blue Boy enough to make a decent character profile. If only I could ask him.”

“I can help you.”

“You can?”

“I don’t know to much of literature, but I know that two heads work better than one.”

“I don’t know if that is an accurate statement, but a brainstorm could be good. What you have in mind?”

“He could … meet somebody in his journey through the desert.”

“Excellent idea. An encounter with someone with a new character would make the plot more interesting.”

“What if the new character isn’t so important for him? What the Blue Boy considers the stranger a jerk?”

“Maybe the Blue Boy and the stranger have a mysterious connection, but none of them know it yet.”

“That sounds good, but what if instead of knowing someone new the Blue Boy meets someone from his past.”

“That also sounds like a good idea. Maybe a pirate.”

“Or a fairy?”

“Or a fairy pirate? Did you noticed that we are having the weirdest brainstorming in Paradox Space?”

“Yes, but the pirate fairy sounds fantastic.”

“What if the Blue Boy and the Pirate Fairy are potential matesprits? That sounds exaggeratedly romantic, but that is the kind of stuff that teenage trolls like to buy.”

Suddenly, a giant meteor crosses the library like if it was made of thin air.

“We have arrived to another dream bubble, crew of the Fruity Rumpus Afterlife Road Trip with destination to a new session.” A voice coming from the meteor said.

“Can you stop doing this, Terezi? Why we don’t simply call this voyage Nepetaquest?” A second voice said.

You and Vriska see a a troll with red eyewear at the top of the meteor.

“John? Vriska?! It is so good to smell you again… wait, are you our friends, or doomed versions of them?”

“Why everyone in these dream bubbles talk about doomed versions?” You ask the teal blooded troll. “Also, sorry for not knowing you, miss.”

“I also don’t know you. What is your name?”

“I am Terezi Pyrope, and we were friends in other life.”

“Pyrope? Oh, like the Honorable Judge of the Supreme Court of Beforus, Terezi Pyrope?”

“What is an honorable judge? Is it like His Honorable Tyranny?”

“Why do you call a judge a Tyrant?”

Vriska and the other troll girl start talking about the differences between beforean and alternian justice systems. You don’t understand most of what the two troll girls are talking about, but you pretend to be paying attention for being a gentleman. You wish you have someone to talk to. Maybe, Jade. Sadly, you appear in another place.

“Vriska? Where are you?”

You are in a black room with a white spiral in the floor.

“I get it, I am in another dream. What does Vriska said for being with another person in a dream?”

You notice a dark figure crying in the center of the circle.You think it is a girl.

“Hello, miss. Are you alright?”

“Please, go away! I don’t want you to be harmed by him.”

“What?”

“A friend is coming, but if there are more than two people here my brother is going to notice my presence and kill us.”

“I am not afraid of monsters. Who is your brother?”

“He is the Angel of Double Death.”

“What?”

The crying girl launches a sparkly dust to your face, and you wake up. You think this dreams are becoming weirder every night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the reference to John's battle with Jack Noir and John's meeting with Tavros and Vriska.  
> The reason John appeared in Calliope's dream bubble was that he was thinking about Jade, and it is a place Jade is going to visit in a future.


	4. Chapter 4: Experimenting With Dream Travelling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an accident, John is trying to find Vriska in his dreams, but ends in many unfamiliar places.

**Chapter 4: Experimenting With Dream Travelling**

 

“Boy, I need you to go in the horse cart to the grocery store at downtown and order on my name ten flour sacks.That flour is required for the special cake that the President wants. If you arrive late, there will be no supper for you tonight, young man.”

“Yes, grandma.”

You arrive at the grocery store and order what your grandma requested.

“Here are ten sacks of flour, young Crocker.”

“Thanks, Mr. Orwell.”

“How is the baroness lately? I heard the President commissioned her for a special delivery.”

“Actually, the flour is for that delivery.”

“I am grateful that she considered my store for that kind of task. Your grandma is a really a great woman.”

“I know.”

“Also, I have heard rumors of strange animals wandering around your farm. They walk with two legs but aren’t people. Be careful, Mr. Crocker, because paranormal stuff has been happening lately.”

After that short conversation, you start piling the sacks in the cart. Unfortunately, he appears.

“Not you again!”

The White Cat is over your cart taking a nap. You hate the White Cat and all the troubles he causes around.

“Get away, you demonic creature!”

You poke him with a stick, which is a bad idea. The cat hisses at you and teleports the cart to the top of Mr. Orwell’s store, in an unbalanced position.

“You little…”

Suddenly, a sack of flour falls and hits you in your head.

 

“Am I dreaming again? If that is the case, where is Vriska?”

You are now in the dream version of your farm, but you notice a different landscape where the apple orchards usually are. You walk to this mysterious landscape that is covered with glowing vegetation and oily lakes.

“Ok, if I want to be with Vriska I must summon a common memory between us, but the only memories I have of her are just dreams where she appeared as a coincidence. What do we even have in common?”

You try to concentrate in a common memory, but your mind makes you travel to a location that you don’t even know.

“What is this place?”

You are inside a white house with strange portraits, an unused fireplace and… a stuffed corpse? This doesn’t bother you… completely. Your grandpa was stuffed after dying, and is still in your house. A grandfather lost. A tradition honored. You hear some voices upstairs and decide to investigate.

“Do you think Jane wouldn’t be mad at us, Dirk?”

“Relax, Jake. This is dream version of her house, not her real house.”

“I still not feel really comfortable with cuddling in her bed, even if we are just dreaming.”

“I will clean up later.”

“Dirk, I must clarify that we are just cuddling and making out.”

“It still is going to be a mess.”

You open the door to the room with the voices and see two men kissing in a passionate way. Then, you close the door and wish to forget what you saw.

“Ok, time for a different dream bubble.”

Your next dream travelling leads you inside an airplane where a tough maverick with nothing to lose is holding his African American friend. Then, a grumpy guy points a gun to a stuffed bunny.

“Make a move and the bunny gets it”.

You then teleport to another dream. This time, Vriska is here, but with an orange guy.

“Will you marry me?” The orange guy asked her.

Then Vriska hits the orange guy and runs away. You were extremely happy when she did that, because… you don’t find a reason to be happy for that. You aren’t courting her, or are you?

“Vriska!”

Then a sensation of a water splash came.

 

“Wake up kid.” Mr. Orwell said.

“What?”

“You were knocked by a flour sack a few hours ago. Also, can you explain how your cart appeared in the roof of my store?”

“I… have no idea. Maybe some monstrous animal did it.”

You weren’t lying about that. Unexpectedly, Mr. Brinner arrives.

“Good afternoon, gentlemen. I have a letter for Mr. Crocker.”

Mr. Brinner delivers to you the letter.

“Thank you, Mr. Brinner.”

The postman goes to continue his work, and you open the letter.

_“Dear John,_

_I am writing to tell you that don’t worry, everything will be fine. I am sorry for not being with you, but this is something I must do. Everyone sees Betty Crocker as a lovely backing lady, but we both know the truth, and I am going to fight against her. I may die trying, but at least she will be exposed as the monster she is. In the meantime, I wish you to be happy and have the life you ever wished for. Follow the steps of the Colonel. Follow your dreams. Also, you may consider marriage._

_Your sister,_

_Jade English._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did somebody noticed the literary reference I made? I will thank any comments made that are constructive.


	5. Chapter 5: A Little Push

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John meets Vriska's friend, who really needs a little push.

**Chapter 5: A Little Push**

“Do you think this is funny, boy?” the baroness was looking at you with an intimidating glare.

“I… I am so sorry, grandma…”

That was supposed to be an innocent prank, but she was really pissed off.

“I would have tolerated any of your pathetic pranks, but this… this is the worst one of all.”

She throws at you the instrument of your prank: a bucket.

“You not only covered me with milk, but you used a pail. A PAIL!”

You know what will happen…

“John!”

… because you already lived this moment. The baroness disappeared once Vriska cried your name.

“Thanks, Vriska.”

“Don’t worry. You can’t be harmed by her in your dreams.”

“Also, I don’t want to sound like a meddler, but you haven’t been in my dreams for two weeks!”

“I was busy. The Empress commissioned me to write an article about the progress of the social programs made in the last 25 sweeps of her government.”

“I thought you were a fantasy writer.”

“That is just a hobby with a little monetary income. My real job is to write about historical events. Also, I have been busy helping a friend. Maybe you can meet him.”

“Is he a red sweater guy or a giant spider?”

“No, just a troll with a lot of problems.”

“Okay, it is always good to meet new people.”

Vriska took your hand and transported both of you to a vast desert. In the middle of it was a windmill house and a horned figure in a wheel chair.

“Is he…”

“He is really sensible when people mention his disability, so approach calmly to him.”

He is looking to the horizon with a cold expression, and you aren’t sure if he is aware of your presence.

“Hello, Tavros.”

He didn’t respond.

“This is John. He is a friend, and maybe he can be your friend too.”

He turns around too look at you.

“I don’t need any more friends, Vriska! Why can’t you accept that I just want to be alone, you huge bitch?!”

You can feel the anger in his voice and the pain it produces to Vriska.

“Calm down, mister. She hasn’t done anything bad to you.”

“Why do you care, hornless? She is the one responsible for my broken spine!”

He rides his wheel chair away from you two, and goes to see some horses that are running around.

“It was my fault, John. One sweep ago we were on a friend date at the festival of dark season. I saw a jousting tournament taking place at the center of the festival and convinced Tavros to participate. He was quite an athlete, and was aspiring for being a knight at the court of the Empress, so I considered that it was no big deal for someone like him. Sadly, I was wrong.”

“What happened?”

“He asked me to choose the horsaroni that he would use in the joust, so I choose one that I considered cute. Unfortunately, I didn’t have any luck at choosing that day. That horsaroni was sick.”

“Oh.”

“When the joust started, his horsaroni was in great pain and run away of the track, with Tavros mounting it obviously. He tried to not fall, but it was useless. That horsaroni threw away Tavros and kicked him a few times like a demonic animal. One of the kicks broke his spine, and Tavros was hospitalized.”

“I don’t see why this is your fault, Vriska. It was an accident.”

“Yeah, but I still have some sense of guilt. He used to be very happy and energetic, but now he only sees the horizon and waits for his death. The worst thing is that he was adopted.”

“What do you mean by adopted?”

“By being paralyzed he is considered inferior, and the Empress established that the Highbloods can adopt Lowbloods and handicapped trolls.”

“I still don’t see why that is so bad.”

“His guardian treats him like a defenseless wriggler that can’t do anything for himself. He has a lot of commodities and luxury, but not the freedom of doing anything productive.”

You feel sorry for that boy, but you don’t know what to do. Maybe just a casual talk that doesn’t involve his disability. You approach him slowly.

“Those are really nice horses.”

“Yes, they are.”

Tavros is petting one of the horses without looking at you. You can see some cuts in his arms and guess that he has been suffering recently.

“I have some horses in the Colonel’s farm, but they aren’t as white and majestic…”

“I know what you are trying to do, but there is nothing you can do to help me change how I feel. Also, tell Vriska that I am sorry for offending her. She is a good friend, but she doesn’t know how I am feeling. I wanted to be a knight, but…”

He is looking at his legs.

“Wait a minute… this is a dream. Why you don’t simply dream that you can walk?”

“Because it is just a dream! I could fly if I wanted, but it isn’t something real.”

“Maybe believing in something can make it a little bit less fake. Maybe if you dream of a a way to walk you can try it in the real world. Or you can go beyond walking and fly.”

“Okay, I will try.”

You three appear in a room with a pile of broke eight balls, a hole in a wall, and a red car in a spider web.

“Why am I wearing this ridiculous Pupa Pan suit?

You suddenly change your sight and see Vriska wearing a fairy suit.

“John, what are you looking at? My eyes are here”

You notice that you are drolling a little bit, and decide to change your sight to the red car.

“What is that?” You ask.

“It looks like a rocket propelled wheel device.” Vriska said. “Some of the royal engineers of the empire have been working on developing this technology for sweeps. One of the coolest prototypes was a pair of rocket shoes.”

“Maybe Tavros con use it.”

“You two must be crazy if you want to put me in that dangerous machine, but I don’t care anymore. Do what you want.”

You and Vriska help Tavros get into the car, and she activates some buttons with mysterious symbols that you can’t understand. The car started floating with hellish flames, like in one of those science fiction stories that are becoming so popular. Surprisingly, The car breaks the wall it as facing.

“Tavros!” Vriska cried.

You see a large trail of spiraling smoke in the sky, and hear Tavros screaming.

“HEEEEEEEELP!!!!!!!!”

“Tavros, you have to use the directional controls and the hand brake! It is like with the attractions at the festival of dark season.”

The flying car turns around and loses speed as it approaches you two.

“That was… hella a ride! I will do it again!”

“Maybe John and I can follow you. I just need to find the right dream.”

You three are transported to a high building with a lot of jetpacks scattered around. Vriska finds a pair of rocket shoes, and you three fly sky high. For the next hours (if that is a thing in the dream bubbles), you and your troll friends fly through many different dreams, which include a land of light and rain, one of frost and frogs, one with cathedrals and angel looking creatures, and one with what looked like blood covering the landscape. It was like in the fairy tale books that you and Jade read a long time ago. You only wish that this was real, but as you said to Tavros, believing in something makes it a little bit less fake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was having a writer's blockage with this chapter because it is difficult to imagine how Pre Scratch Tavros could be. Considering that he wasn't a victim of Post Scratch Vriska abuse, he could have been a very confident and less shy troll.


	6. Chapter 6: Dark Shades

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Vriska follow a mysterious figure to it's hideout, revealing itself to be an important character John's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: SBaHJ.

**Chapter 6: Dark Shades**

 

“John?” Vriska was staring at you.

“Sorry. What were you saying about the quadrants?”

“I was telling you the differences between the concupiscent quadrants and the conciliatory quadrants, but you weren’t paying attention. What is troubling you today?”

“I received a letter from my sister Jade. She arrived to New York City last week, and is now working in one of the factories. She also said that she made some new friends in Hooverville.”

“You seem to care really much for her. Is she like your moirail?”

“No, she is my sister. Don’t trolls have brothers or sisters?”

“That concept doesn’t apply to our species because of our reproduction method, but I think a moirallegance is the troll equivalent to human brotherhood relationships.”

“I still don’t understand most of what you say, Ms. Serket, but I guess you are right.”

“C’mon, John. Let’s find an adventure in these dream bubbles.”

You and Vriska travel to a land with pyramids and a sky colored with neon lights. You remember the descriptions of Egypt that you read in the books of elementary school. Suddenly, you see a figure moving around the place.

“What was that?”

“I don’t know John, but it moves fast.”

You two follow the shadowy figure for next few minutes and reach an observatory. After entering , you two appear in a room with a lot of wizard figures.

“Wow.”

“I know, John.”

You see the figure running upstairs, and the chase continues. The figure gets out of the building through a door that leads you to a platform floating in the middle of the ocean.

“I have never seen the sea before, but considering this is a dream, I still haven’t seen the sea.”

“John, look over there!”

The shadowy figure is standing at the top of a vandalized publicity board, and is wielding a sword.

“Hello, old sport.” You said.

“Sup.” The young man said. “Also, congratulations on following me through this dream bubble. It was a good chase.”

“What is your name, mysterious human.” Vriska asked.

“I am Dave Strider, the fastest human on planet Earth and creator of the coolest and ironic comic of all time, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.”

“What is even a comic?”

“You seem to be from the time when the only comics where satirical doodles made for the newspapers. If you want to see real art, wait a few years till printed entertainment advances a little more, or travel with me to the next dream.”

“What do you say, Vriska?”

“I don’t know, John. He seems to be a jerk, but also cool. What is the worst thing that would happen?”

You two follow Dave and enter the building again. Inside, you see a room covered with weird drawings, death animals inside jars, photographic equipment and devices that you don’t know yet.

“This is my room, where magic comes to life. I sit in this chair everyday, and with a pencil on one hand and a bottle of apple juice on the other I make art that is blessed by the gods of irony.”

You see the drawings in the table, and most of them are about a man falling from some stairs. Vriska is more perplexed.

“I don’t want to sound rude, but this drawings look…”

“Shitty? I know. That is the purpose of this comic.”

“Don’t you want your work to look attractive to your readers? I mean, every writer must get attention to have his work recognized by the literary community.”

“Honestly, I don’t give a shit what others think of my work. Actually, most of my recent ideas are satirical in nature, so many people will be angry. A writer must be true to himself, even if that means being the enemy of the people.”

“But a writer must write for making other people happy! His work must inspire virtues and get the approval of those that walked through the path of literature.”

“Are you writing because you love writing, or because you want to be loved?”

Vriska was really angry with him.

“Vriska, look this one! Sweet Bro is so angry because of the socks, that he didn’t notice that Hella Jeff was stealing the car!”

“John, that story is garbage!”

You notice anger in Vriska’s eyes, which scares you. You really don’t want to imagine how this sweet girl could become a danger to everyone around her, but you disregard that thought as impossible.

“If you like that, you would definitely like my most recent work.”

Dave shows you a comic with some familiar elements.

“In this story Sweet Bro warns Hella Jeff of the dangers of using baking mix, but the result is predictable. This is obviously a criticism to Crocker Corp and it’s plans of world domination. For example, the character known as the Batterwitch is the famous Betty Crocker.”

“Isn’t she your grandma, John?”

You are distracted by the images of your grandma, but as she truly is: a sanguinary demon with a deadly fork.

“How do you know about her? You ask him.

“I have my resources, including this dream bubbles. I get most information from a friend that also works against the Batterwitch, mostly with symbolism in wizard stories. She is the type of writer your girlfriend would like.”

“She isn’t my girlfriend, sir.”

“Wait, does he sees us as matesprits?”

“I don’t care if you like a horned gray girls, man. Anyway, what is your opinion about the Batterwitch, independently of her being your grandma?”

“She… is a monster.”

“I couldn’t have described her better. I could have said that she is the Devil, but that title goes to someone else in Paradox Space. I really don’t want to meet that guy, even if he is said to be an excellent host.”

“Jade said that she works for someone named English. Is he that guy?”

“I don’t know much, honestly. The basic idea is that she is an alien sea queen that wants to establish her empire on Earth, but there are still people fighting against her, like that old lady that owns Skaianet. I don’t know the first name of that woman, but think her last name is English. Maybe she is related to that guy that you mentioned.”

For the next hours (again, time is relative in the dream bubbles) you, Vriska and Dave talk about many things that became off topic: movies (old movies in your case, weird ones in Dave’s case, and with long titles in Vriska’s case), tv shows (which you don’t know what they are), music, and many other things. After the saying good bye to Dave, you and Vriska travel to a different dream.

“Is something wrong, Vriska?”

“It is ironic that you asked, considering that I asked the same to you at the beginning of our shared dream.”

“That is true.”

“I am just thinking about what that human said about writing for the love of writing and not for the love of the readers.”

“But you really love to write. You have hundreds of books in your castle.”

“Yes, but most of the time I just write what people wants, instead of what I want. I don’t want to give the impression that I have to be on the spotlight, like if I am the most important character in a story. That kind of thought could lead someone to become a dangerous person, even if that makes me the most important person.”

“Vriska, I know you. You are a good person, and one of the most important in my life.”

“That is another topic that I wanted to talk with you in private. What am I to you?”

“What do you mean? You are my friend, and possibly my only friend if we consider that Jade is my sister and Dave is an eccentric gentleman that I barely know.”

“I know we are friends, but have you considered…

 

The sound of the alarm clock brings you back to the real world, where the baroness torments you, and Vriska isn’t at your side.


	7. Chapter 7: The Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John helps Vriska to make a prank to a nautical aristocrat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neska, if you are reading this, I must tell you that there is cake instead of croissants.

**Chapter 7: The Prince**

You threw a stone to the door.

“Wait for it…”

“What am I supposed to be waiting for?” Vriska asks.

“Just wait for it…”

The door opens and a guy with a red sweater comes outside.

“What is this? A present?”

He opens the box and from inside it a cake is launched to his face. You and Vriska laugh hardly while the red sweater guy rants about how triggering that prank was.

“That was a really good prank, John.”

“I have been practicing, and I got a job as a comedian in a local club. Obviously with a fake identity.”

“It sounds as you have good luck recently. I have been busy with a new work that the empress commissioned me to do, and some personal problems.”

“Is Tavros having another depression moment?”

“No, he is fine. Let’s forget about any personal problems and have some adventures.”

You teleport to Vriska’s pirate ship and travel through the waters of a different dream. Suddenly, a cannon ball strikes the ship.

“Who is attacking us?” You ask.

Vriska uses his telescope to see the enemy ship.

“Oh no.”

A purple ship reaches the blue ship, and you can see a troll holding a rifle.

“What a surprise. My beloved Vriska is navigating the sea of my dreams.”

“I didn’t knew this is your dream, Ampora.”

“Don’t be so cold, my cerulean beauty. This is my dream, so as a projection of my dreams you must be more social than in real life.”

“I am not a projection of your dreams, you idiot. I am the real Vriska, and I don’t like you.”

“It is impossible what you are saying. Dreams are just memories that our mind projects during our sleeping. By what I see, you are an objective projection close to the original, and I can court you without real consequences.”

Vriska face palmed at his statement. Then, that guy looked at you.

“Who is this hornless? I don’t remember him, but it is possible that my imagination is using previous information about mythical pink monkeys.”

“He is John… my matesprit.”

You still don’t know what that means, but it possibly means that you are a special friend for her.

“What?! You prefer a hornless creature than a member of the royalty?!”

“Brace yourself John.”

Vriska activates the eight cannons that where pointing to the purple ship, and, predictably, a naval fight starts.

“Why can’t you love me?!” that guy screams while shooting his rifle.

“You are shooting a rifle at me. That is enough evidence to explain why I can’t love you.”

Unexpectedly, a whale jumps out of the water and falls on the purple ship.

“She will never love you, man.” The whale said.

“This is our chance, John.”

Vriska takes your hand and both travel to another dream.

“Is he the one that is causing you troubles, Vriska?”

“Yes. His name is Eridan Ampora, and he is the biggest jerk in Beforus. He presumes of being a scientist, but he lacks the basic knowledge needed for exercising any scientific career. The only things he is really good at are military studies and artillery. Also, he has a fetishistic obsession for land dwellers.”

“Land dwellers?”

“He is a sea dweller, a member of the royalty. He thinks the land dwellers like me are exotic, and that is enough reason for him for stalking me.”

“That isn’t right. A man must treat a woman with respect.”

“You are so sweet John. I wish more trolls were like you. Most of the trolls I know are condescending assholes, like Ampora. The only good thing he does is directing a charity club that treats all lowbloods as handicaps, just for feeding his pride.”

“Maybe we can teach him a lesson.”

“John, are you suggesting…”

Vriska takes your hand and teleports you both to a floating palace.

“This is the Imperial Academy of Beforus, where we both work. This is shared memory where he was arguing with a programmer and I had to make an intervention. After that embarrassing moment, he went to the library. That is the place where we can find him.”

“I think I have the right prank for this situation.”

You follow Vriska to a library that is bigger than the one you saw in her castle. The target is sit in a corner and reading.

“Vriska, I need to put this book close to where he is and catch his attention.”

“Hand me the book, John.”

Vriska walked directly to where Eridan was.

“What do you want, Vris? I am busy studying ancient warrior cultures.”

“I want to apologize for what happened a few moments ago.”

“I appreciate that, and don’t worry. Captor caused that discussion.”

“Discussion? You almost punched his face!”

“I thought you came to apologize? Also, I am feeling a déjà vu, but different. It’s like if this conversation already happened, but with different results. I will dismiss that as an impossibility that my imagination conceived.”

“Anyway, I want to demonstrate that I am sorry by sharing with you this old book. It is handwritten and has thousands of pages, so it must be a really important document.”

“That is a really nice gesture, Vris. In my initial thought of this conversation you just shouted at me. Let me see… Colonel Sassacre’s Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery? This looks interesting.”

After he opened the book, a cake was launched to his face. Then, you and Vriska run away.

“How were you able to put a cake and a launching mechanism inside that book?”

“I made a copy of the Colonel’s book, but without text obviously. Then, I made a big hole and put a mechanism that my sister helped me design a few years ago. Is he chasing us?”

“I don’t think so. He is probably crying and asking himself why he is alone.”

“VRISKA!” You both hear Eridan’s angry shout. “WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME!”

“Let’s just go to a different adventure, John.”

“I agree.”


	8. Chapter 8: Crabby Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Vriska have their first date, but it's almost ruined by crabby kid.

Chapter 8: Crabby Kid  
“You will love this place, John.” Vriska says.  
“I have heard about movie theaters, but I never got the chance to go to one.”  
“This is a memory from when I was 4 sweeps old, when I saw this cool movie.”  
“What is its title?”  
“It’s about a pirate captain that is betrayed by his own crew, and he must reclaim his ship with the help of a blacksmith with a dark secret and a Highblood girl…” Vriska tells a complex summary of what happens in the movie.  
“That is a long but good description, but what’s the title of the movie.”  
“That’s the title of the movie.”  
“Oh.”  
You follow Vriska to a colorful building with holographic images of the movies being shown. You are surprised by the big titles of every movie, and the display of homosexuals kissing.  
“Does homosexuality is normal for trolls.”  
“What is homosexuality?”  
You decide to stop talking and enter to the room Vriska guided you.  
“So, is this like a date?  
You see Vriska blush with a tone of blue in her face.  
“Maybe?”  
You two sit in the 8th row and watch the movie. You think this is a good dream because this is practically your first date with a girl, and you are seeing a color movie decades before it’s development on Earth.  
“Oh boy!” You think. “She is holding my hand!”  
Apparently, nothing can ruin this moment.  
“This movie sucks!” You both hear someone shouting in the 4th row. “Where do these writters get the ideas for romance? A tv show for wrigglers?”  
“Sir, we are trying to see the movie.” You say.  
“Then you must be retarded enough to enjoy such a piece of garbage. I can’t believe I saw this movie last week because of some stupid bet with Terezi. I really hate recreating my memories in this weird dream realm.”  
The troll that was shouting at you looked older than you and Vriska, and was possibly older outside of the dream bubbles, thanks to the way time works here.  
“Sir, this movie has a good story, and Troll Jack Sparrow is a complex character.” Vriska sounded really angry, even with her calm behavior.  
“You are so wrong, Highblood girl. Troll Johnny Depp is a lame actor, and the most experienced movie critics know it. Besides, the romantic plot is what really makes me angry. The story focuses a lot in treasure hunting, and the only important relationships are the matespritship between Will and Elizabeth, and a possible moirallegance between the Jack and Mr. Gibbs. There isn’t enough romatic development in this film thanks to all the pointless killing!”  
“The relationships in this story are good ones, and it’s supposed to be an adventure film, not a romcom!”  
“Hey! Romcoms are cool and I will prove it!”  
Suddenly, the three of you are sent to another room.  
“Now, pay attention to the big screen, love birds.”  
The screen is covered with a projection of two trolls kissing.  
“This is my favorite part of this movie.” The Angry troll said. “Here, Troll Adam Sandler discovers that Troll Drew Barrymore still remembers him in her dreams, even if she has a brain damage that causes her to loss her short term memory. Look, that is part with the tape!”  
“That movie is old and sad!” Vriska shouted. “I watched that movie when I was a little wriggler, and I didn’t like it. What kind of people can enjoy a love story where one of the main characters can’t remember the other? I mean, whoever is in the position of Troll Adam Sandler in real life would feel frustrated for not being remembered. Also, you can’t interrupt our date!”  
“I was already here when you came, and dream bubbles aren’t property of anyone. If you want to waste your time with childish movies, go ahead.”  
“Wait, can I choose the next movie?” You ask.  
“John, you said that you haven’t been in a movie theater before.”  
“Right.”  
You and Vriska get out of there and go to the next room. Surprisingly, you both see two shadowy figures entering to see that movie. Yo think they are a couple that is in a date, just like you and Vriska.  
“Conair? It looks like a human movie.”  
“I guess it would be good to see a movie from my world, considering that we saw one from yours.”  
“This is like a cultural exchange, don’t you think?”  
“Well, like Dave would say: Let’s do it, Vris. Let’s make it happen.”  
…  
For most of the movie Vriska and the other girl with the same voice were swooning every time that actor with the long hair did something heroic. Also, everyone in the room, including yourself, cried at the end.  
“John, that was the most beautiful movie I have ever seen!”  
“I think the same, and it’s technically the second movie I have seen in my life! Wait, where’s the lovely couple that was in the front row?”  
“I think they sneaked out to have a private moment. Also, I think those two are 6 sweeps olds.”  
“…”  
“13 years olds. They are too young to be matesprits.”  
“They are just having fun.”  
“Yes, but when people grow up they tend to forget all the promises of their childhood. Today it is just innocent dating, but only when they mature enough they can decide if they become matesprits or not. Most of the time these relationships end in failure.”  
You walk out of the room with Vriska, and start thinking about how much you value your relationship with this mysterious alien girl that appears in your dreams.  
“Vriska…”  
“John, look!”  
Vriska points to a big poster with the image of the angry troll.  
“Oh my god, John! We met Karkat Vantas!”  
“Who?”  
“Karkat Vantas is one of the greatest celebrities in Beforus! He is a director, actor, writer and social activist. He also has relationships with the highest authorities of our planet, like the Honorable Judge of the Supreme Court of Beforus, Terezi Pyrope, the Revered Mother of the grub mothers’ caretakers, Kanaya Maryam, and the leader of dark cult of the Mirthful Messiahs. We probably met his teenager version, when he was an angry teenager that loved romcoms.”  
“It sounds like he is the most important person in your planet.”  
“He could be, but he is known for being aggressive and cynical. He has criticized the Empress many times, and he and some others played rock music in a boat that went near her palace during the celebration for her many sweeps of government. Judge Pyrope had difficulties taking him out of jail.”  
“I don’t think there’s anyone as crazy enough to do that in my world. I could imagine the royalty in England becoming furious by someone singing songs against them.”  
“I am not a betting woman, John, but I am sure there are people that can do stupid things just for having some fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did somebody noticed the real life reference I made about Sex Pistols?


	9. Chapter 9: Someone like you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Vriska visit a strange museum, and meet a girl that is related to John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating. I have been having college duties.

**Chapter 9: Someone like you**

This was supposed to be a date, but it turned out to be something creepy.

“And here is the Naked Hoofbeast of Troll Miguel Angelo” the creepy muscular troll said. “He carved this masterpiece in a frozen block of his own sweat, like many of the artists that made the sculptures in this section of the museum.”

This place smelled like sweat, and everything here creeped you: sculptures of naked humanoid horses and other types of beasts, sculptures made of frozen sweat, menacing portraits of your grandma, and the horse clocks… you don’t want to see the horse clocks again.

“Sorry for taking you here, John.”

“No problem, Vriska.”                                                 

“I thought a visit to a museum would be a cultural experience that we would benefit from. Originally, I was trying to take us to the Imperial Museum of Beforus, but this dream bubble combined my memories of the museum with this one. The person I share this dream with probably went to this sweaty museum and combined both dreams.”

“Are you two enjoying your visit?” The creepy troll asked.

“Yes… I liked that… frozen creature.” You point to where a legendary muclebeast was frozen in his own sweat.

“I appreciate that you can enjoy the magnificence of this STRONG musclebeast. My last two guests where disrespectful during their visit, and one of them freed the Sweati from his frozen slumber. Only in this dream bubble this museum still exists after many unfortunate events.”

The creepy roll starts beholding the Sweati, and you and Vriska escape from the museum.

“John.”

“Yes, Vriska.”

“Let’s never visit the Flextropolitan Nudeseum in our lives, or even mention it.”

“Deal. Can we visit one of my dreams this time?”

“Are you sure you can take us together this time?”

“I have been practicing since our visit to that forest with the hanged dragon raggedy dolls.”

You take Vriska to what appears to be the town where you live, but it’s a very different version. There are white houses everywhere, a lake where there wasn’t one, and a prank store near your location.

“I know what you ae thinking, John.”

“It’s a prank store, Vriska!”

You take Vriska’s hand and run to the store. Inside, you see everything a young prankster like you ever wanted.”

“Oh my god, Vriska! Look at all these precious pranking gadgets, poker cards, fake swords and disguises.”

You put in your face a pair of fake glasses with a fake mustache, and wear a magician hat.

“You look ridiculous, but funny”

“That’s the point. Let’s see if there’s anything you can wear.”

You turn around and face someone with a fake mustache, and a detective hat.

“Oh, greetings fellow pranksters” the mysterious girl. “You really have a sense for comedy, sir.”

“I am just an amateur, miss. My name is John Crocker, and this is my friend Vriska Serket.”

“What a coincidence! My name is Jane Crocker. We must be related or something.”

“I didn’t knew that I have any other family members, aside from my sister Jade and my grandma.”

“And I still don’t understand your filial relationships” Vriska said. “But hey, that’s alien culture for you.”

“Your friend has a good disguise. Where did she got the gray facial paint, the blue make up and the orange horns?”

“The makeup comes from a store at the market place in the Imperial Plaza, and the rest is natural.”

“So you are like my grandma?”

“Your grandma is also a troll?” You asked.

“If by troll you mean a demon, yes she is.”

This girl reminds you to Jade, but you feel that she has more in common with you. She is a Crocker, likes pranks and disguises, and has an evil grandma. This isn’t a coincidence.

“So, do you know who owns this store?”

“Apparently it’s owned by the Egbert family.”

“What kind of name is that? I will petty anyone with that last name.”

“I don’t know, it sounds like a cute name” Vriska said. “Imagine if your name was John Egbert.”

“That’s a dumb name!”

“At least you aren’t named Zoosmell Pooplord.” Jane said.

“Yeah, that would be an even more stupid name. Anyway, is there any cool gadget we could use for having some fun?”

“I found this in the section of special sales. It’s a limited edition water balloon cannon with a laser guide.”

“Guys,” Vriska interrupted. “I have the perfect target for that type of prank.”

…

 

“Aaahhh!”

You, Vriska and Jane run away after shooting the creepy troll water balloons filled with soapy water.

“That was an excellent prank, Vriska, but I think that guy doesn’t appreciate a good prank.”

“Relax, John. We did him a favor. He probably haven’t showered in a long time.”

“You two are amazing!” Jane said while running. “It’s so good to have fun with people that really understand what a really good prank is.”

This has been a great adventure. Nothing can ruin this moment.

“Jaaaaneeeey.”

“Oh no. It’s grandma! We have to hide!”

You three hide behind the sculptures of naked horses. Now that you remember, only a few hours ago you and Vriska promised not to return here.

“I know you are here, girl. I just want you to know that you can enjoy your little adventures in these dream bubbles, but you will always be at my side no matter what you do. You weren’t even brave enough to escape with your brother. I own you, girl.”

After that scary speech, the evil woman walked away. Then, she stopped to see something.

“I really look good in this portrait. It’s a shame that my portrait is next to ancient artifact that aren’t related to me. Why is there a cape with the face of a landweller? I will just ignore it.”

You see Jane crying in a corner.

“Jane, are you okay?”

“I am not, John! I will always be at her mercy, and there’s nothing I can do to change it!”

You don’t know how to make her better, because she is having the same problem as you. You wonder how can you help her if you can’t even help yourself. You just hug her until she calms.

“You aren’t alone, Jane. You have friends now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is based on the Night at the Loodseum.


End file.
